Smooth Operator

This morning, J6.7 had some bathroom commitments (Yes - 'some' not 'a') this morning that precluded her catching the bus. That meant that mommy had to brave the school drop-off line. Horrors! I was a bit peeved and a lot nervous, like driving downtown in an unfamiliar city. I really didn't want to do this. It's a school - there would be kids running around, parents in a rush to get to work, a drop-off process that I knew nothing about, and I was sure, about a dozen unwritten rules of drop-off protocol and expectations. I vaguely remembered a notice from last year telling all drop-off parents not to turn left into the parking lot or something like that, so I might end up having to turn around somewhere and backtrack. And what if J6.7 expressed another bathroom commitment on the way? These were just a few of my concerns. But I mom'ed up and got started.

Traffic was a nightmare and I had to employ some creative merging just to make it to the school on time. Luckily, there wasn't a big fire-breathing dragon waiting at the lot to roast me if I put on my left turn signal, so I darted in before they decided to employ one. I waited in the line, keeping an eye out for subtle signals from other parents that something "just wasn't done". And as we went, I kept up a running commentary to J6.7. "Okay hun, we're almost up there. Now don't unbuckle yet, but when we get up there, I'll stop and open up E3.10's door. You get out her door because it's on the side at the sidewalk. Don't forget your bookbag. Watch out for the blanket on the floor of the van back there - don't want you tripping and falling. Now, you go right to your classroom, just as if you'd gotten off the bus, okay? Unless the teachers tell you to do something different. Then do whatever they say. Got it? Alright, we're almost there. One more group of drop-offs and then it'll be our turn. Don't forget - go out E3.10s door. Not yours. Okay, here we go." Yes, I know - I'm an idiot.

So we get up there, I braked to a stop at the front of the line, hit the button to open E3.10's door and nothing happened. Right. Can't do that with the van in gear. I jammed the van into Park, and hit the button again. This time it worked. J6.7 fumbled her way out (no, she didn't trip on the blanket, but I'm sure she would have if I hadn't mentioned it... Riiiiiight) and set off for the building. I hit the button again to close the door. But I had gloves on and fat-fingered the back hatch button at the same time. So the side door closes and the trunk opens, complete with warning beeps and everything. I R cool... and even more of an idiot than you all originally thought. Whatever cool points I had (and there weren't many because I'm a mom in a mini-van), jumped out the back and abandoned me right there.