After incorporating all the suggestions, I think I've successfully managed to weed out anything that made it unique and engrossing. No kidding. Admittedly, early drafts had some major POV (Point-Of-View) issues, too much time spent on extraneous things, and some cases of telling vs showing. It definitely needed a tune-up. But...
I think what happened is that I'd hit a sentence and think, "Oh, well, that doesn't need to be there. I show that aspect of his personality later, so I'll remove this reference to it." Before you know it, all of Chase's personality has been sucked out of him, and instead of a conscientious but mouthy teenager, you have this boring narrator who sounds like they came straight from your English Classics class. Kill me. And kill Chase while you're at it, because he's clearly too boring to live. So now I'm going back in and trying to breathe life back into Chase's poor corpse. Wish me luck. And in the comments section, hit me with a good snarky comment or insult. I'll pick my favorite and let Chase loose with it in the novel.
I sure hope the rest of the novel isn't this problematic!
It's like watching a whale knit. (Heard this one on Top Gear a couple nights back.)
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